A new place to live

February 7 2018 by in Keto, Weight loss

“It’s a 22 Wide. Do you think you can wear that?” My mom was holding up what looked like a huge pair of pants and shouting over three racks of clothes to get my attention. I wanted to crawl under the closest cluster of clothing and hide. Quietly, I moved toward her and hissed, “Women’s. The W stands for Women’s size, not Wide!”

“Well, do you think these will fit or not? I can’t find a size 24 Wide.” She said as she handed me the size 22 W. I took them and headed for the dressing room. I was 18 years old and shopping for clothes to wear to a scholarship interview for college.

Unlike most 18-year olds who loved shopping for clothing at the mall, I dreaded it. We lived in a rural area and the closest mall was at least a 45-minute drive away. It was the one place that I could shop. Out of 84 different shops in the mall, there was one store that carried plus-sized clothing. My wardrobe was always limited to what they had to offer and to what we could afford. Their clothing was notably more expensive than the mainstream storms that sold typical-sized clothing which was often called ‘misses sizes’.

My mother had been trying to help me shop, but I hated when she referred to the ‘W’ on the tag as ‘Wide’. Each time I corrected her and insisted that the ‘W’ did not represent the word ‘Wide’, but ‘Women’s’. She never argued with me, but we both knew ‘Wide’ was a more accurate description of the size I wore. While I despised that ‘W’ size, I also desperately sought it. If we entered a new, large department store, my eyes darted around to the directory sizes that are often hanging from the ceiling in various sections of clothing stores, “Petite”, “Maternity”, “Misses”, “Juniors” were all common then, but finding the “W” was harder.

As I continued to wear plus-sizes as an adult and into middle-age, the clothing industry eventually expanded their market. Most large department stores now carry a section labeled “Plus”, “Full-Figured”, “Curvy”, or even still, the “W”— “Women”. For decades I searched for signs on racks or clothing labels assuring me that I would fit. I learned to seek out the safety of the plus-sized section and to avoid the slender cuts of the others. Once, while in Paris, I ventured into a clothing store hopeful that I might find a plus-sized section. I found a garment that I thought might fit, and I asked to try it on. The attendant snatched the dress from my hands and yelled at me that I was too ‘gros’. ‘Gros’, in French means fat. I knew enough of her language to quickly dash out of the shop. I cried as I hurried away.

From that time forward, I was extra cautious to stick to my own sizes, my own shopping neighborhood. Like an interlope from out of town, I didn’t even glance towards the smaller sizes. That was not my community. I did not belong there. It was a hostile environment even when the clerks were smiling. Those clothes did not fit. Just as the ‘Wide’ section was a small part of a larger store, my clothing options were very limited and were limited further by my ‘petite’ height. When I found the first clothing section labeled “Women’s Petite”, I was ecstatic! The clothing was wide enough and short enough. For the first time in my life, no one had to trim the sleeves or shorten the hem. Finally, I could shop with the added criteria of clothes that fit! I had found home, my neighborhood, my kind.

Still, the fashionable stores, the ones were most of my friends shopped never carried plus sizes. Once, during a day-long “Girl’s Day Out”, my friends and I spent the entire day shopping. We spent much of the day going in different directions. After I had found two stores with plus sizes, I had been limited to shopping for shoes, housewares and specialty foods. For the most part, I never even ventured into the trendy clothing shops with them because I could not wear the clothing. When I did, I saw that the three of them had a great time grabbing up their favorite new fashions and were even able to trade sizes amongst them in the dressing room. All I could do was wait by the dressing room door and watch.

Starting on a keto diet

When I started a ketogenic diet in June 2013, I wore at size 24 W pants and dress size, and a 3XL shirt. Finally, I had a few places to shop. I knew which stores carried my sizes, and I stuck to those, but within 6 months the smallest of the plus sizes began to be too big! During the Christmas season, the busiest shopping season of the year, I was lost. I wondered if the “typical sizes” might fit, but I was nervous to try. After wondering aloud to my husband whether I might be able to shop outside of my plus-sized boundaries, he encouraged me to try. I hesitated. He put me in the car and drove me to one of my favorite local stores that had both plus-sizes and misses. I protested that those smaller clothes would never fit me. He picked up a pink sweater that had caught my eye from the front door of the store and insisted that I try it. A sweater? A clingy sweater? I took the largest size on the rack off to the dressing room. It fit. I cried.

Since that December day, I’ve left the safety of the old “W” neighborhood. It took nearly a year of venturing out to new stores and new clothing racks. It took a lot of bravery to try on smaller sizes. Sometimes a French woman in my head shouted, “You are too gros!” On those days I take at least three sizes of each garment into the dressing room with me. Most days I was elated to walk out with the smallest of the three fitting. Shopping is a lot more fun now, and I can even shop with friends, and share clothing! Something I have never done before.

Last Christmas my husband and I were finishing up our shopping list at huge shopping center. I had spent too much time trying on clothes and relishing the ability to walk into any store and find clothing that fit. My husband had dutifully carried bags to the car like my Sherpa. As we were leaving, my eyes scanned for additional stores that I might want to shop. There, right in front of me was a retail storefront owned by the chain of stores from my high school days. That one store, the only store, that carried plus sizes when I was a teenager had grown to thousands of retail locations. The tears started before I even understood them. My husband, who was paying attention to the crazy shopping traffic stopped the car, and asked, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” I had gone from the smiling, whirlwind-shopping wife to a woman in the midst of an ugly cry.

“That store! Right there”, I pointed. “That used to be the ONLY store where I could shop!” David, followed my gesturing, and asked, with not a little confusion, “Do you want to go in there?” I cried harder. “No, I never want to go in there again! I don’t have to. I can go anywhere! I can wear clothes from any store now! I’m just so grateful!” and I continued sobbing. My tears were a rush of gratitude and regret. Why hadn’t I known all of those years what was wrong with how I ate? No one wants to be obese, yet there I was never able to figure it out. Finally, I had. While I was grateful, I mourned the years and the experiences that I missed.

Finally, I gathered my words and told my husband, “Honey, I’m fine. I’m not really sad. I’m grateful. I’m blessed. I finally have choices. I’m no longer a size Wide. Let’s go home.”

—
Kristie Sullivan

More with Kristie

Do you want to read more by Kristie Sullivan? Here are her three most popular posts:

The ultimate guide to low-carb or keto kitchen essentials
The ultimate low carb and keto cookie collection
Festive low carb and keto Christmas cookies

Kristie’s story

MEMBERS ONLY

"I'll do this or I'm going to die trying"

Cooking keto with Kristie

MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
Part 1 of eating keto with Kristie: Introduction
01:47
One of the hardest parts of starting a keto diet is figuring out what to eat. Fortunately, Kristie will teach you in this course.
MEMBERS ONLY
Tips for eating out - part 5 of eating keto with Kristie
10:10
Do you find it difficult to stay on your keto plan when you're dining out and still don't want to miss out on those lovely moments with friends and family? Then this episode is for you.
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
Part 2 of eating keto with Kristie: Build a keto plate
11:16
Are you confused about what a plate of keto food should look like? Then this part of the course is for you.
Kristie cooking keto with Dr. Jeffry Gerber
21:35
Kristie invites Denver’s Diet Doctor Jeffry Gerber to join her to make a low-carb version of one of his favorite dishes.
MEMBERS ONLY
Keto chicken pot pie
16:09
Chicken pot pie is the coziest of comfort foods and not something you would expect to eat on a keto diet.
Part 3 of eating keto with Kristie: Know your portion sizes
15:29
Kristie teaches us how to eyeball the right amounts of fat, protein and carbs in order to ensure that we can easily stay within ketogenic ratios.
Cooking with Kristie: How to make a keto plate – Andreas
19:12
In this episode, Kristie and Andreas are actually not cooking but instead demonstrating how to build a ketogenic plate.
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY

Keto

MEMBERS ONLY
All things keto with Keto Connect
16:44
What is it like running the very popular YouTube channel Keto Connect?
MEMBERS ONLY
My success story with Jim Caldwell
02:23
Jim Caldwell has transformed his health and gone from an all-time high at 352 lbs (160 kg) to 170 lbs (77 kg.
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
Diet Doctor Podcast #35 with Ben Bikman, PhD
00:00
Why is insulin so important for us to control and why does a ketogenic diet help so many people? Professor Ben Bikman has studied these questions in his lab for years and he is one of the foremost authorities on the subject.
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
Diet Doctor Podcast #31 – Dr. Ken Berry
51:26
Dr. Ken Berry wants us all to be aware that much of what our doctors say may be a lie. Maybe not an outright malicious lie, but much of what “we” believe in medicine can be traced back to word-of-mouth teachings without a scientific basis.
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
My success story with Gillian Szollos
02:55
Gillian had a normal life when she all of a sudden started to get seizures. She suffered terrible side effects from the meds so she started a keto diet.
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY
MEMBERS ONLY

A keto diet for beginners

How to lose weight

All earlier posts by Kristie Sullivan

Name	Provider / Domain	Expiration	Description
ckdc-premium	.dietdoctor.com	1 month
app-banner	.dietdoctor.dev.dietdoctor.com	1 day	This cookie shows whether user closed the App Banner prompt
_gaexp	Google LLC dietdoctor.com	1 year	Used to determine a user's inclusion in an experiment and the expiry of experiments a user has been included in.
_gaexp	Google LLC .dietdoctor.com	1 year	Used to determine a user's inclusion in an experiment and the expiry of experiments a user has been included in.
_opt_awcid	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
_opt_awmid	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
_opt_awgid	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
_opt_awkid	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
_opt_utmc	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
_opt_expid	.dietdoctor.com	25 seconds
gtm_auth	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
gtm_debug	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
gtm_experiment	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
gtm_preview	.dietdoctor.com	3 days
_hjAbsoluteSessionInProgress	Hotjar Ltd .dietdoctor.com	30 minutes	The cookie is set so Hotjar can track the beginning of the user's journey for a total session count. It does not contain any identifiable information.
_ga	Google LLC .dietdoctor.com	2 years	This cookie name is associated with Google Universal Analytics - which is a significant update to Google's more commonly used analytics service. This cookie is used to distinguish unique users by assigning a randomly generated number as a client identifier. It is included in each page request in a site and used to calculate visitor, session and campaign data for the sites analytics reports.
_dc_gtm_UA-3268327-1	.dietdoctor.com	1 minute	This cookie is associated with sites using Google Tag Manager to load other scripts and code into a page. Where it is used it may be regarded as Strictly Necessary as without it, other scripts may not function correctly. The end of the name is a unique number which is also an identifier for an associated Google Analytics account.
_hjFirstSeen	Hotjar Ltd .dietdoctor.com	30 minutes	The cookie is set so Hotjar can track the beginning of the user's journey for a total session count. It does not contain any identifiable information.
_dc_gtm_UA-22012422-2	.dietdoctor.com	1 minute	This cookie is associated with sites using Google Tag Manager to load other scripts and code into a page. Where it is used it may be regarded as Strictly Necessary as without it, other scripts may not function correctly. The end of the name is a unique number which is also an identifier for an associated Google Analytics account.
AWSELBCORS	Amazon.com Inc. www.podbean.com	5 minutes	The cookies AWSELB and AWSELBCORS are functionally the same cookies. The latter has an explicit SameSite attribute set because of changes made from Chrome 80 and upwards.
_ga_YMCP8KW9S4	.dietdoctor.com	2 years
_hjIncludedInSessionSample	Hotjar Ltd www.dietdoctor.com	2 minutes	This cookie is set to let Hotjar know whether that visitor is included in the data sampling defined by your site's daily session limit
__cf_bm	Cloudflare Inc. .vimeo.com	30 minutes	This cookie is used to distinguish between humans and bots. This is beneficial for the website, in order to make valid reports on the use of their website.
_gid	Google LLC .dietdoctor.com	1 day	This cookie is set by Google Analytics. It stores and update a unique value for each page visited and is used to count and track pageviews.
CookieScriptConsent	CookieScript www.dietdoctor.com	1 year	This cookie is used by Cookie-Script.com service to remember visitor cookie consent preferences. It is necessary for Cookie-Script.com cookie banner to work properly.
__cf_bm	Cloudflare Inc. .podbean.com	30 minutes	This cookie is used to distinguish between humans and bots. This is beneficial for the website, in order to make valid reports on the use of their website.
_hjIncludedInPageviewSample	Hotjar Ltd www.dietdoctor.com	2 minutes	This cookie is set to let Hotjar know whether that visitor is included in the data sampling defined by your site's pageview limit.
_dc_gtm_UA-22012422-1	.dietdoctor.com	1 minute	This cookie is associated with sites using Google Tag Manager to load other scripts and code into a page. Where it is used it may be regarded as Strictly Necessary as without it, other scripts may not function correctly. The end of the name is a unique number which is also an identifier for an associated Google Analytics account.
_gaexp_rc	.dietdoctor.com	25 seconds

Name	Provider / Domain	Expiration	Description
IDE	Google LLC .doubleclick.net	1 year	This cookie is set by Doubleclick and carries out information about how the end user uses the website and any advertising that the end user may have seen before visiting the said website.
_uetvid	Microsoft Corporation .dietdoctor.com	1 year	This is a cookie utilised by Microsoft Bing Ads and is a tracking cookie. It allows us to engage with a user that has previously visited our website.
loc	Oracle Corporation .addthis.com	1 year 1 month	Stores the visitors geolocation to record location of sharer
test_cookie	Google LLC .doubleclick.net	15 minutes	This cookie is set by DoubleClick (which is owned by Google) to determine if the website visitor's browser supports cookies.
_gcl_au	Google LLC .dietdoctor.com	3 months	Used by Google AdSense for experimenting with advertisement efficiency across websites using their services
_uetsid	Microsoft Corporation .dietdoctor.com	1 day	This cookie is used by Bing to determine what ads should be shown that may be relevant to the end user perusing the site.
uvc	Oracle Corporation .addthis.com	1 year 1 month	Tracks how often a user interacts with AddThis
YSC	Google LLC .youtube.com	Session	This cookie is set by YouTube to track views of embedded videos.
MUID	Microsoft Corporation .bing.com	1 year	This cookie is widely used my Microsoft as a unique user identifier. It can be set by embedded microsoft scripts. Widely believed to sync across many different Microsoft domains, allowing user tracking.
_fbp	Meta Platform Inc. .dietdoctor.com	3 months	Used by Facebook to deliver a series of advertisement products such as real time bidding from third party advertisers
VISITOR_INFO1_LIVE	Google LLC .youtube.com	6 months	This cookie is set by Youtube to keep track of user preferences for Youtube videos embedded in sites;it can also determine whether the website visitor is using the new or old version of the Youtube interface.

Name	Provider / Domain	Expiration
_hjSession_1945121	.dietdoctor.com	30 minutes
_hjSessionUser_1945121	.dietdoctor.com	1 year
_ga_Y4DLH4EPXM	.dietdoctor.com	2 years